"Everything happens for a reason"

Firstly, I want to apologise my face. I'm a bit haggard on those photos, but I have no choice, I have to post it since those are the only 'fine' photos I got from yesterday's little photoshoot (by myself). Or, if you don't want this blog post to be plain and no photo blog.. Well, you have to deal with my face. Thank you.

"Everything happens for a reason" is my forever motto. I do really believe on those five words, it's just, that phrase is powerful. When I'm in a rough situation, I always tell myself that everything happens for a reason, no matter reason was that, if its good or bad reason, it's still a reason. I remember, when I can't stop faffing and I just couldn't handle it so I cried.. Then think that everything happens for a reason, I just repeated and repeated those phrase until I calm down. Afterwards,I received a great news but I won't give any detail about it cause I think, you're not interested at all. I think, that you should believe in those powerful words, it'll help you as much as it helps me. You won't regret it. And, if it didn't work for you, here are some of my favourite quotes:

• Believe in yourself - I don't usually believe in myself a lot, but I'm trying anyway. But I think, it would work on you.
• Be the best version of you - I think, this is my second favourite motto. When you think you're worthless (you are not worthless), just do something that'll make you happy. Do whatever you want though it's worth it or not. You'll continuously realise who you are, and start loving who you are. You're different, you have your own version of yourself. For sure, you'll love it.
• Just say YES! - I got this from a YouTuber, and realised that "Yeah! I should". Saying yes to things that you haven't done before is the best feeling ever, as long as it isn't bad no-oh, otherwise you'll end up regretting it. Saying no to things makes you predict what will happen, but when you say yes, you'll have no idea what'll happen: if it'll turn out great or not. But if it doesn't turned out great... Well, at least you tried!
• Keep on trying - similar with "Just say yes". Try and try until you succeed! I bet everyone say that. Trying is sometimes hard, but you have to do it if you don't want to regret at the end. But don't force yourself a lot, you must know your limits cause you might end with "Try and try until you die." No-oh!
• Push yourself to come off that shell - You must come off your shell, if you want to enjoy life. Self confidence is very important, but you must use it in a good way. Cause it's not good at all if you'll end up as a arrogant person. Know your limits.Wreck your shell!
• Don't let mental illness win - If you have mental illness like me, you must hold on this quote, really! Fight for yourself. If you want to be happy, don't let your mental illness win. Be happy!

That's all for now. Additional information: I blogged about this like an hour ago but blogger wasn't cooperating with me and just took away my blog. It frustrates me so much! But I think, blogger get their crap together already. Anyway, I hope this helped some of you. Hopefully! Puh-lease.

Thanks for reading!

♥

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Instagram Diary

Tired of practicing - Our cheerleading performance - Lesbians gone wild

Best of friends (Maeidah and Justine) - With my buddylicious - Swag sign (Me, Nermin, Cess, and Elwynne)

Swag sign (Rehana, Kat, and Mesh) - Swag sign (Maeidah, Cess, Nermin, Me, Nikki, Giann and Elwynne) - Swag sign with Lyra (Justine, Jhonalson, Arsenio and Zakey) 

Baby silverstaars - My long hair - Gay corps 

Happy adviser - My extremely ugly guy bestie - Normal selfie

Swag lotion commercial - Selfie with Nikki - Flight attendants?

Cadettes graduation - Preparing for CAT Grad - Video for Nikki

With my sister Amina - At Jenalyn's crib - Normal selfie

Found this tag - Overnight in our living room with my sis - Normal selfie (w/ curly hair)

PS: Compare those two normal selfie. 1st selfie: Fatty face 2nd selfie: Long/Thin face. Alright, what happened?  

Preparing for EDSA performance (Nicole, Me and Nikki) - Selfie with Nicole - Eyeliner gone wild. LOL! 

Uploading Maeidah and I's video - Selfie with Ahmad - Jump shot! 

With our corps, Ma'am Diva - Freezing pool. Brrr! - Sleeping corps (Ma'am Diva) Lol!

I've seen this blog post everywhere and thought that it's time for me to make one. Those our my  previous-previous Instagram photos. Honestly, I don't use instagram a lot. So, I have no recent photos on instagram but I think I have to be active.. someday. Since I have no idea what to blog yesterday, I spent my night thinking what to blog and browse my favourite blogs to read and.. here you go, my instagram diary.

Thanks for reading!

♥

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Happy Mother's Day Mama!

I just wanna make a quick blog about Mother's Day.

First of all, Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there especially to my wonderful mother. She is the best thing in my life, without her.. I don't know what to do with myself. I love her so much though I don't usually show it. She always asks me if I love her, I do love her.. I love her more than myself. *I'm literally getting teary eyed* She carried me for 7 months in her womb (I know usually it's 9 months, but I'm a 7 months baby), and that's a pretty long time. She taught me everything, more than a teacher can teach me. I know that I've done tons of inappropriate things as a daughter to her (I'm not saying that I literally torture her). But that doesn't mean that I don't love her. We're teenagers, we do something that's uncontrollable. I'm not a perfect daughter, but since I'm mature now.. I'm trying to be a perfect daughter (though it's impossible), I try not to hurt her as much as I could. I have the best mom in the world! No one can explain (I myself can't) how much I love her. I wish I have the guts to just say how much I love her personally. Obviously, I'm not showy. Whenever I try, I just can't talk and I start getting teary eyed that's why I don't usually say that I love her personally. I wish I could someday. I love my mother so much!

♥

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25 facts about me

Here are my 25 facts about myself with a little explanation of it.

1. I hate eating vegetables.

Ever since I was a little kid, eating vegetable is not my type. My mom can't force me to eat those because I'll always end up vomiting. 

2. I have a little piece of wood on my right foot

When I was a kid, I stumbled at the area where there has lots of woods and I was on my flip flops. So, a little piece of wood goes through my skin, and at first it was painful. I tried to remove it, but I can't. I left it there, until now it's still there. Oh! I got it when I was 6 years old.

3. I'm a 7 months baby

Maybe because I was excited to see how beautiful the world is. I think, this is the reason why my height isn't .. or let's just say that I am not growing as fast as someone is.

4. I'm suffering anxiety and panic attacks for 3-4 years

I'm a very emotional person and I over think a lot a lot. Sometimes, just looking on a wall makes me cry. My anxiety is awful, and it makes me cry all the time.

5. I love to dance

Since I was a kid, I really love dancing. I dance once when I was little, publicly, and those who were watching me threw some money/penny to me while I was dancing. (I'm rich, haha) 

6. I don't know how to swim

I never tried to swim because I'm afraid that maybe I'll probably die. 

7. Stick to swim thingy: I don't like sea and ocean

It makes me sick whenever I'm on a beach. I feel terrified. Idk, I'm scared. But I love browsing some wonderful photos of sea and ocean.

8. I'm afraid of cats
Whenever they come near me, I become really jumpy. I don't know why I am very scared of them. I never had a phobia of them because I never ever come near them. They're like a ghost to me, like whenever I saw a photo of them.. for sure I'll have a nightmare on my sleep.

9. I want to design my house and live in it
I loooove designing something, like designing a house makes me really happy, though I'm not really good at drawing. By games, I design my own house and it turns out well and I just want to have my own house.

10. I haven't drank Mountain Dew ever 
Here in Riyadh, there's a lot of Mountain Dew, you'd probably see them everywhere. But I honestly don't know the taste of it. I don't know why, it's just when I choose soft drinks, I would go to Pepsi/Coca Cola/Mirinda/Sprite.

11. I love winter than summer
I know everyone loves summer, but I don't. It always makes me sick. Plus, I can't expose to the sun because my rushes will have a party on my skin. Summer here in our place is awful, so dry. Not just an actual summer, it's an awful summer here. It'll probably burn you since this is a very dry place.

12. I have my favourite fish, but I don't know what it was called
I don't eat fish a lot. But if my favourite fish is serve to my dinner or lunch, I'd end up eating a lot of them. 

13. I'm very awkward online
Even when I talk to my friends, I'll always end up speechless. Plus, I suck at replying back to people. Like, when they message me, I'd reply back after 5 hours, or the next day. But, if I have nothing to do, I reply back instantly especially when they're important to me.

14. I adore vintage things
I just think that they are beautiful

15. I stopped drinking on a baby bottle when I was 8 years old
But I don't drink milk that time. I drink chocolate milk, juice, and water on a baby bottle. I wasn't used to drink on a glass, I thought it was uncomfortable drinking on a glass.

16. I am a very emotional person

If I think deeply, I'd cry. Like just thinking about negative/sad thought, my tears will fall accidentally. Oops.

17. I love Disney classics movies

I find Disney classics really fun. The only movie I love that's not classic is Tangled. I love Rapunzel. *shy*

18. I wear hair/head band when I'm sleeping

Because I hate it when my hair is touching my face, it really does irritate me.

19. I'm a bookworm

I love reading novels ALOT! It's my escape place.

20. I love lemon drinks

I love them a lot alot, because they freshen my mouth (I guess). Plus, they taste's really good.

21. I don't like beef

The meat I only love is chicken. Ohmy, I just noticed that right now. I don't eat fish a lot, and I don't like beef. CHICKEN FTW!

22. I'm good at memorization but suck at calculation

I forgot who told me that.. but it was a teacher. Simply, I don't like Math.

23. I love piggy backs A LOT!

If we're close, I'd jump onto your back and you should run.. it's more exciting. I just love piggy backs, especially when I surprise someone by jumping on them. Plus, my piggy back partners are Nermin Until and Christian Jayke Santos.

24. I love editing videos

I started editing videos when I was 10 with those ridiculous funky transitions. I think, I deleted them already.

25. I am who I am

I love being myself. I never copied anyone, or if there's someone that has the same interests like mine, I'd think it's a coincidence. I'm not thinking that I copied someone (cause I never did) or someone copied me. I believe that everyone has similarities.

Thanks for reading!

♥

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Week summary

Last Saturday, I've been thinking what to blog. I was actually struggling the whole day but when it was midnight I thought that I should make a little week summary with a little vlog. So when it was Sunday, I've started filming with my sister Fhar to make it more comfortable, because I think it's awkward to film by yourself, like you'll look crazy (that's my opinion, don't hate me.) Well when time goes by, I actually got pretty confident filming all by myself and it was unexpectedly fun. It was fun talking to a camera, or just left them there recording while you're doing something. It was fun.

Here's the little week summary:

First of all, as you've noticed that I have my pillows and blanket on a couch and actually slept there. Well, here's my explanation about that.. I don't feel like sleeping in the bedroom this week because I feel more comfortable in the living room. And since my father left for his vacation, I thought that maybe if I sleep in the living room, I can actually protect my sisters and my mother which sounds wrong because I'm still young and I'm a girl (maybe, just maybe, I could really protect them). Well, I just feel comfortable sleeping in the living room and will work on sleeping again on a real bed soon. I have to, because my father will arrive here on Sunday. *hooray!* I really miss him. 

Secondly, I have a great news for you and for myself.. My anxiety didn't annoy me (so far) this week, I was soooo happy and I still am.  Because I've been suffering anxiety for the last few weeks which is awful. I'm really avoiding thinking about something that may cause anxiety, and it worked. Anxiety just lose our fight this time, I win! Yes!

Thirdly, yesterday, I organised everything trashy things I have. I actually found an old camera which has 3.2 mega pixels (soo old). I found some key chains: the first one was a little skeletal body sitting on a toilet bowl. I guess, I and Alpine, Joan, Pamela, and Nicole bought each for ourselves when we were freshmen and I remember that we were laughing our ass out when we actually noticed that the skeletal body was sitting on a toilet bowl (such great memories). The second key chain was an orange star with some little shells inside and it says "I love you", I don't remember where did it came from but all I know was somebody gave it to me.. I guess, it was Sean Sacay or my old friend Cheska. Oh! I got that when I was in 5th grade. The third keychain was a little pink monkey, my guy best friend Angelo gave that to me when we were campaigning for SSC and I think, he has the same chain as mine but it was black or blue.

Last but not the least, I watched the 10th episode of The Amazing Race and I just cried because my favourite players just got eliminated, it was Joey Graceffa and Meghan Camarena. I cried so hard and in took a day for me to get over it. I think.. I won't watch that show again because I'm not a fan of any of the remaining teams. Just, goodbye amazing race! it was fan though.

That's my little week summary (I guess). You have to know that I didn't get out of this house. I can describe my week as boring-lazy-crazy-sleepy-insomnia-but-happy week.

Thank you so much for reading!

♥

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